This probably won’t make any sense if you don’t watch home and away but I have rewritten recent storylines. Just a quick bit of background about what happened in the real home and away. Jack gets shot in the chest by accident by fellow police officer, Angelo, and dies. Angelo goes to jail and is hated throughout Summer Bay. Melody runs away to Melbourne and spends a week or so living on the street but Miles and Charlie find her just in time and take her home to live happily ever after.
I would like to apologise for any puns or sarcasm.
I would also like to add, as a disclaimer, that home and away is a great show, I do
not own it and I am not intending to make any money from publishing this.
Jack has been shot in the chest but, miraculously, it missed his heart, lungs and everything vital to staying alive. He is now home and recovering. Angelo was the first on the scene of the shooting and without his quick thinking Jack may have survived.
“Are you feeling ok?”
“For the last time Martha, I am fine.” Martha was sitting beside Jack in bed, where she had been for the last 4 days. Jack painfully leaned sideways and kissed her on the forehead, “Don’t worry honey, I’m going to be fine.” Martha smiled. Jack added, “thanks to Angelo. I was thinking, maybe we should do something really special to thank him. I was thinking about naming the boat after him.” Martha‘s content smile broke into a full on grin. “I love the idea” she chimed. She reached over to the bedside table and started scribbling down notes. “Um what are you doing?” Jack inquired. “Planning a launching party of course! We can finally crack open that bottle of champagne your Dad got you for your 21st.” Martha rambled as she worked on her plans. Jack watched her, “you’re amazing Martha.”
As her mind buzzed, she started thinking of people that needed to be there. “I have to call Miles, is he back from the city yet? Oh and Charlie, and Roman! Oh it would be so great if they finally got back together!” Martha was a flurry of excitement, her husband was still with her and she wanted to celebrate. “I’m so happy you’re still with me Jack,” she whispered as she nuzzled into her husband’s shoulder. “I know." He replied. “It’s like someone rewrote my future, I was so sure I was going to die out there.” Martha shuddered at his blunt wording. “I’m feeling a bit tired” Jack yawned. “You should get some rest, you need your strength.” Martha ordered. She got off the bed and decided she should go over to the caravan park to see Alf and invite Miles to the party, if he was home.
Meanwhile Miles and Charlie are still in Melbourne looking for Melody. They have had no news of her whereabouts. Charlie had given up for the day and headed back to the hotel. Miles decided to keep going for a while longer. He eventually runs into a teenage boy hanging around the food bank.
“Have you seen this girl?” Miles softly asked to the raggedy dressed teenager. The horror in the boy’s eyes was painfully obvious to Miles. He knew right there, without asking, that Melody wasn’t coming home. He repeated the question slowly anyway. “It was her hair...” The reply wasn’t what he was expecting but painfully penetrated through his skin anyway. After offering the scared boy a warm meal at a nearby cafe, he managed to convince him to share the entire, disgusting story. Miles held himself together throughout the whole thing, to avoid scaring the child, even though he couldn’t hide the fact that his heart was being ripped out of his chest.
Miles thanked him and gave him some cash for some decent clothes and food.
Blinded by the pain of losing a child, he slowly stumbled back to the hotel, where Charlie was waiting. There, he collapsed, releasing the pain he had held in while in the presence of the street kid. “Miles, what is it?” Charlie cried, rushing to be by Miles’ side.
It was there, Miles began to retell what the boy had told him. “Melody...” He sobbed, “has been murdered.” Charlie stared at him. Unsure what to do, Miles continued. “She was sleeping on the street after leaving the shelter because her bag had been stolen. She meet another runaway, who showed her where he was going to sleep that night, he was they boy I meet today.” Miles took a break to catch his breath, Charlie took the chance to lunge at him, embracing him with all the strength she had. Miles loosened her grip and kept talking. “He was a bit blurry from here but he remembers waking up to the sound of melody screaming. He remembers seeing a guy that is well known on the streets...” He broke off, unable to keep talking from the overwhelming grief. “Go on”, Charlie urged, tears falling down her face. Miles seemed to struggle for words but uttered,”he’s known for... For kidnapping street kids and using them for... Parts."
“Pa-arts?” Charlie stumbled over her words. “Yea, apparently he’s known for selling organs through the black market. He preys on street kids because he thinks nobody will notice they are gone.” They stared at each other in silence. “And he picked her because of her hair.” Miles slowly added. “Hair?!” Charlie questioned. “Yes.” Miles answered. “Apparently in the last few years real, natural human hair has been in huge demand on the black market. It’s used to cheaply make hair extensions”.
“Oh god Miles, I am so sorry.”
“Let’s just go.”
Charlie and Miles gathered their things and left to go back to the paradise of Summer Bay. Just as they got into the car Charlie stated “Wow, another murder of a Summer Bay resident, who would of thought.”
Martha arrived at the caravan park just as Alf was putting on the jug. Shortly after they sat down to enjoy a good brew; they heard a car pull up.
“Did you hear that?” Alf question Martha. “Yea, I did actually Granddad, your hearing can’t be too bad yet” she teased. As Alf retaliated, they heard the door open. They both swung around to see a swollen-eyed Miles standing in the doorway. His sorrow filled the room and no one wanted to be the one to ask. Alf eventually stammered “Um, where’s Melody?”
“Dead.” Miles replied bluntly. “Gods truth” Alf gasped. Martha’s eyes welled up. Alf offered Miles a cup of tea and they sat down in awkward silence. Martha plucked up the courage this time, “how Miles?” Miles explained the whole story.
When he was done the only thing left to say was, “those flaming mongrels!” And sure enough Alf was the one to say it.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Let me know if you get any of you get the jokes in here. To me they are painfully obvious but let me know! Summer, you may not get them because you really have to be an home and away addict to pick up on them.
ReplyDeleteI like the beginning of your post, it’s not entirely part of your actual fan-fiction but it is helpful. The way you have written a small summary and storyline of what is actually happening in Home and Away at the moment in the real thing, has helped me to understand it a bit more, and be up to date with everything going on, as I don’t actually watch Home and Away as frequent as you.
ReplyDeleteI also like how at the beginning of every new scene you have written a description, ‘setting the scene’ for the reader, and making it a whole lot easier to understand. The dialogue after each of these ‘scene setting paragraphs’, is well related and flows really well with the ‘scene setter’.
Eg. “Jack has been shot in the chest but, miraculously, it missed his heart, lungs and everything vital to staying alive. He is now home and recovering…”
And then after it … ““Are you feeling ok?”
“For the last time Martha, I am fine.” Martha was sitting beside Jack in bed, where she had been for the last 4 days.” It helps the situation and story flow well.
The dialogue in this fan- fiction also is really clear, and at all times I as the reader am able to understand who is talking when, etc. I thought that the way the murder was expressed through the character Miles was done really well, the way you structured the way he spoke, was done well and created a great sense of realism to the story and situation. ““Melody...” He sobbed, “has been murdered.”” I think the pause “…” has been the main contributor to this scene working really well, and reinforcing to the reader Miles’ emotions at this tough time.
I noticed that having the ‘scene setting’ paragraphs through this fan -fiction, helps move the story along a bit faster, instead of it dragging on and becoming too long.
I like the way you have ended it with a phrase from Alf ““those flaming mongrels!””, I can easily recognize this as I have heard him say this many times before in earlier episodes of Home and Away, on the one off occasions that I have watched it.
There are a couple of minor errors in this, nothing major.
In the third paragraph, first sentence. “As her minded buzzed, she started….” Minded I think meant to be mind?
The speech marks in the same paragraph around ““I know. “ He replied.” Speech marks at the end, are open. I know very minor.
Sixth paragraph, last sentence. ““…rushing to be my Miles’ side.”” … ‘My’ meant to be ‘by’, obviously not intentional.
Other than that, I enjoyed reading this! Good work Alex!
Cheers for the advice!!
ReplyDeleteWill do another proof read now. It's so easy to miss your own mistakes when you reading over your work.
Glad that you liked it and it was undertandable even though you are not an avid home and away fan.