Hi everyone =)
THis is where you find links to my fanfics and otehr items i've found on the web.
here's a link to my 1st draft. It's nt that good and i think i might've done it wrong =S
Link is: http://nioujas.blogspot.com/
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Please mind my typos. I make ALOT of them T__T
ReplyDeleteI wasn't sure whether to comment here or on your other blog but here goes.
ReplyDeleteI liked it for the most part. However there a few things I picked up while reading it and you might want to change.
I'm not whether some of the things i noticed are just typos as you pointed out. If so, I would recommend a quick proof-read before friday just to fix up a few of those.
Secondly, there is alot of dialogue in your fanfic, which is good but I i think you use the word "said" too often. Perhaps consider reading through again, and changing a few of those. Espcially when they are right next to each other. For example:
“I thought you were too sick to make it.” said Leah
“Yeah well we felt much better after taking some medicine Rachel prescribed to us.” said Matilda
“Thanks Rachel.” said Matilda
If you can't think of better verbs maybe grab a theasurus. There are plenty of free ones online.
Also, in a few places, sentences don'y quite flow. I'm not usre whether these are typos or English isn't your first language, but maybe just have a really careful read through your work again.
But it's looking good. Good work :)
I honestly wish more people would comment. Kinda hard to work on my fanfic when i lack comments. Hmph i'll fix it ASAP ^__^
ReplyDeleteHope I didn't sound to harsh in the last comment. Just out of curiosity, is your first language English?
ReplyDeleteI know this may sound silly but just a tip for your dialogue. Try reading through it aloud. Physically say the words how you think the charcters might. This will help you, a)come up with alternetives to "said" as you will know how they are saying it and b) help you add more punctuation. Your dialogue at the moment doesn't have many commas. If you say it aloud you will realise how hard it is to talk without a break!
Adding commas will add reality for the readers, as will replacing said. it will help readers to paint a clearer picture in their minds of converstaions.