This is an entire Home and Away fanfic =D It’s a one shot about Matilda and Lucas. They decided to go bushwalking and finds something interesting…
“ “Dialogue
Italics flashbacks
Disclaimer: This is important in all fanfics. So here goes, I DO NOT OWN HOME AND AWAY!! All the characters belong to the original creator who reserves all copyrights.
It all started with that one faithful night. The night they both regretted. That one particular night. They knew that they should’ve been to Leah’s BBQ dinner but both decided not to since they were “too sick” to go because of some food they ate the previous night. What actually happened nobody knew. But for all we know they could be up to something. But let’s just hope it’s nothing bad.
“Lucas are you sure you want to do this?” asked Matilda
“Look Mattie it’s the best choice.” replied Lucas
“I mean wouldn’t the others thinks it’s suspicious? With us not being at Leah’s barbie”
“Matilda, if we go whose going you look after him? More like her as well.”
“Point taken. Either way I’m going to go over later. Hopefully they won’t suspect anything.”
“Good idea.”
At this point Matilda and Lucas was just sitting outside the porch of Lucas’ house. They pondered for a good hour or so on what to do next. In the end they both decided to take turns to look after the two little puppies. They were found last week when Matilda and Lucas on a rather romantic bushwalk trip. They were somehow abandoned in the bushes. At first Lucas thought it was a pair of baby dingoes. Matilda thought otherwise. What they did was took them in their picnic basket back home and to the nearest vet. Surprisingly they happened to meet a veterinarian named Dr. Danni Armstrong. She happened to be Rachel’s cousin.
Flashback
“I still think they’re a pair of wild dingo babies Mattie.” said Lucas
“No way! They’re puppies I tell you. You’re just lucky we don’t have school at the moment.”
“We can’t take them home with us. It’s too dangerous.”
“But Lucas, they’re only babies. We can’t leave them out like this. They’ll be eaten by wild dingoes.”
“Is something wrong?” asked a lady in blue trackies
“We found a pair of injured puppies but my boyfriend thinks it's a pair of dingo babies.” replied Matilda
“Well I can take a look at it. My Clinic isn’t too far from here so I can give those two a check up.”
“Thank you so much.” said Lucas
At the Clinic
“Well everything seems to be normal. The puppies are all healthy but they are severely dehydrated. When, how and where did you find those puppies?” asked the vet
“Well you see, me and my boyfriend decided we would go on a bush walk and picnic. On our way back we found a trail which looked like blood.” said Matilda
“We followed the trail to some nearby bushes and found two injured puppies. We were arguing about it for a while and that's when you came along.” said Lucas finishing off Matilda’s explanation
“Well you did the right thing by bringing them here. Now until they’re fully grown and ready to be adopted. They need to be under constant care. Judging by the looks of these puppies they’re only about three weeks old.” explained the vet
“Thank you.”
“We better phone someone to pick us up. We have to get home soon and fast.” said Matilda
“Let’s call Rachel. I mean your mum and my dad are out of town. Jack’s got a late night shift. Sally has to look after Pippa and Martha’s in the states visiting Tasha and Robbie.”
“Excuse me but I heard you mention the name Rachel. As in Rachel Armstrong?”
“Yeah. She’s the doctor in Summer Bay. Do you know her?” asked Lucas
“Yes in fact I do. I’m Danni Armstrong. Rachel’s my cousin.” replied Danni
Flashback ends
At Leah’s House
“I thought you were too sick to make it.” said Leah
“Yeah well we felt much better after taking some medicine Rachel prescribed to us.” said Matilda
“Thanks Rachel.”
“It’s not a problem. Just give me a call if you need anything. How’s Lucas doing?” asked Rachel
“He’s still not up to coming. I was wondering if I could bring him some food. That all right with you Leah?” asked Matilda
“Yeah sure. I’ve already had it packed in two boxes. I was going to drop it off for you guys later. Have you heard from your mum?”
“She sent me a text saying the Outback is great and that Tony and her are really enjoying themselves. Well thanks for the food. I better get going. I don’t want to keep Lucas waiting.”
-Matilda turns around-
“Lucas!” exclaimed Matilda
“I thought you were too sick to come.” said Leah
“Has anyone seen VJ?” asked Lucas
“No we haven’t why you ask?” said Rachel
“It’s just that he somehow wondered over to our house. I turned away and next thing I knew they were gone.”
“Gone? What do you mean by gone?” asked Matilda
“Those puppies.”
Moments later VJ appears with a box in his hands.
“VJ!! Where have you been?” yelled Leah
“I was only over at Lucas’ house because he wasn’t feeling too well. I found this box and played with it.”
“VJ you weren’t suppose to touch that box.”
“I know and I’m sorry but they were so cute.”
“What’s this?” asked Rachel
“We found these about two weeks ago. They were abandoned in the bushes. We were raising them because Dr Danni Armstrong said they’re too young to be up for adoption. We met up during the bushwalk.” said Lucas
“You mean my cousin Danni?”
“Yes.”
The group decided what to do with those puppies. For the remainder of the night they all took turns to look after the puppies and eventually when they were old enough they decided to give them up for adoption.”
“It’s too bad they had to go.” said Matilda
“Yeah well we did all we could for them. At least we know they’ll be in a new loving home.” said Lucas
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Here is my edited one. Please comment and lemme know what you think. This is stil very confusing to navigate. Reviews aree welcomed Flames will be ignored and used for my bonfire and leg warmers for winter. Please be kind with what you say.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Alex, just in a few of your sentences they lack commas which with me, stops the whole flow of the story as I have to go back and read over it. The pause they create will certainly bring more realism to your fan-fiction.
ReplyDeleteThe very beginning of your fan-fiction is very helpful for me as I don’t watch Home and Away as much as yourself. It sets the scene very well. At first I’m not entirely sure who they are staying behind to look after, but after reading the whole story, I gather that it is the puppies.
I really liked the flashback scene about them finding the puppies. I thought the picture was well painted and clear to make out. You set the scene more in this story through the flashback, letting the reader know a bit more about where this story was set. “”...They’ll be eaten by wild dingoes.”” Dingoes being an Australian animal, any reader will be able to recognize this as an Australian TV show. In a couple of the sentences in this they lack full stops at the end of them, such as, ““…asked a lady in blue trackies””, should be “…in blue trackies.” And also “…replied Matilda”, should be “Replied Matilda.” Also adding in the capital as this is said after a full stop.
I think that the vet scene is very good. I enjoyed it as it seemed quite real to me, the dialogue seemed quite real to what a vet would say and advise about animals. It also lacks full stops after sentences, just give it a quick check over and proof read.
I felt that at times it was a little hard to understand and pick up on who was talking at the time, particularly when Matilda arrived at the BBQ later on, and there is the conversation between Leah, Matilda and Rachel. It took me a while to pick up that Rachel was at the party, till I read “Rachel said” at the end of some of the dialogue. You could probably make it a bit clearer by adding a bit more detail to who Matilda see’s at the party when she arrives there.
Other than that I enjoyed it Jasmine! Good work, this is done well!